


A Be More Chill AU I hope doesn't suck

by darkstrangeson



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: AU, F/M, Im doing it to Michael, Jeremy Heere is in the bi pit of denial, M/M, Michael Mell has severe anxiety and gets panic attacks, Michael Mell is a sad boi, Stuttering Jeremy Heere, The SQUIP is Michael Mell, The squip is a nasty homophobic boi, Trans Michael, even if i love my sassy tic tac that statement must stand for the story, guess who's projecting into a character again!, hey yeah so I lied about the fluff, heyyyyyy buy you get fluff eventually, its me, some angst???????, wow what a shock for a mainly angst writer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-10-20 03:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 4,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20668331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkstrangeson/pseuds/darkstrangeson
Summary: so we've all heard of the AU where the Squip takes on a manifestation of Michael right?What about an AU where Michael goes to get his drinks and the Squip turns on and just looks and acts like Michael, and never announces himself as the Squip?Things get weird.(Yea yea I know I suck at summaries just let it go)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heyoo I don't usually write third person and this is a bit different from what I usually write so I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Edit: credit for this prompt goes to Dollopheadedmerlin on tumblr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit as of Jan/20/2020: hey dudes I recently produced an audio recording of the first chapter! If you go to my YouTube channel (@ Virgil Rose) you should find a folder titled “BMC au recording” ! I hope to update as often as I can for those who might rather listen to it!

Jeremy looked around the food court, it had been almost thirty minutes and Michael hadn’t returned.  
He blinked and there Michael was standing in front of him.  
“Dude where were you?” Jeremy asks.  
“Ummm right here? Spencer didn’t have any of the drink so I came back.”  
“Alright anyway let's go. We can go back to my place!”  
“So the Squip didn’t work and you just spent four hundred dollars on a wintergreen tic tac?”  
Jeremy nods.  
Michael pulled Jeremy into the closest store. “Take you hands out of your pockets.” Jeremy slid his hands out of his pockets. “Arch your back puff out your chest.” Jeremy tried to do what Michael said and failed. Miserably.  
Michael took Jeremy’s shoulder with one hand and his waist with the other, pulled on his waist and pushed on his shoulder. Leaving Jeremy standing almost perfectly straight.  
“There stand like that.” Michael turned pulling an Eminem shirt off a rack and slung it over his arm. “Add some swagger to your gait or you’ll look like a masterbator, fix your posture than the rest.”  
“Michael! W-what’s, what’s going on with you?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You’ve always t-told me it doesn’t matter if we’re popular, we have each other! And you hate Eminem!”  
“Listen,” Michael steered Jeremy to the changing room, shoved the shirt into Jeremy’s arms and said, “Just go put on the shirt.”  
Jeremy came out five minutes later holding the shirt. “It f-f-fits fine.”  
“Now you pick a shirt.” Michael instructed.  
Jeremy grabbed a shirt off the rack, it was navy blue with flecks of glitter all over it.  
“That’s a girls shirt.”  
Jeremy shook his head and opened his mouth to say something when a voice called out: “Jerry?”  
“Jerry-me.” Jeremy corrected without thinking.  
“Greet the beta.” Michael whispered.  
“The be- oh hey Brooke.” Brooke waved.  
“Is that a girls shirt?” Chloe questioned walking up from behind a rack of shirts.  
“N-no.”  
“Yes,” Michael muttered.  
“Yep!”  
There was a voice in his head that told him to say:  
“I saw it in the window and I couldn’t resist, I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this. It’s still painful.”  
“So who is this mystery girl?”  
“Ma-Madeleine.”  
Chloe looked like she wanted to yell so she did.  
“WHAT?”  
“She’s french.” Jeremy mumbled.  
“No she’s not! She just pretends to be for attention!”  
“So Madeline broke up with you?” Brooke piped up.  
“I, um, I broke up with her, ‘cus she was cheating on me!”  
Brooke’s face fell. “My gi-boyfriend cheated on me too.”  
She shot a hurt look at Chloe.  
Micheal stirs from behind Jeremy. “Brooke is going to offer you a ride, and you’re going to accept.”  
Jeremy was surprised that no one seemed to hear Michael.  
Brooke grinned. “So, do you wanna ride?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones really short sorry.

Jeremy fumbled with the shirt in his hands. “W-well you see I can’t ‘cus I need to pay for his shirt and then do some shopping for school and just maybe next time.”   
Chloe frowned and pulled Brooke away and to another rack of clothes. Brooke waved goodbye as Jeremy payed for the shirt and Michael pulled him out of the store.   
“You can’t just listen. You have to obey.” Jeremy zoned out at the worst possible moment. “Everything about you makes me wanna die!”   
Jeremy almost broke down right there. “W-w-what?” Jeremy squeaked.   
“Everything about you is so terrible.” Michael had a flash of blue in his normally brown eyes. “Now go home and wear the shirt tomorrow.”   
Jeremy swallowed and nodded before rushing out of the mall. He got on the bus and when he got home just rushed into his room and collapsed on his bed. 

The real Michael Mell wasn’t doing much better to be honest. He had walked into the food court and there was no sight of Jeremy, he had called him but it went right to voicemail. He assumed he had just taken the bus home ‘cus Michael was taking too long.   
So Michael went home and played video games and waited for a call that would never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more to come don’t worry. I’m hoping to write more and update Monday but we’ll see. 
> 
> As always thanks for reading and have a nice day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just kinda hoped Jermey was alright.

Jeremy sat up in the morning and opened his laptop. It felt like someone punched him.   
“What the-”   
“What did we say about masterbation?” A voice in his head sounded. Only it wasn’t just a voice it was Michael’s voice.   
Jeremy shoved the laptop off his bed and held his head in his hands.   
“W-what’s going on?”   
“Go to school, and wear the shirt.”   
Jeremy both chose to do what the voice said and ignore him completely. He put on the shirt and shouldered his backpack.   
He walked outside and found no awaiting Michael and the bus was already down the street. So he ran.  
He got to school and expected himself to be a sweaty mess but found no sweat anywhere. He decided it was a blessing and walked to class. Jeremy was just rounding the hall to bio before being cornered by Brooke.   
“Oh Brooke!”   
“Nice shirt you look, put together.”   
“Merci!”   
“What?”  
“Ha uh how was pink berry?”   
“Fine.”   
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Brooke broke it. “Can I show you something?”   
Jeremy nodded and Brooke took his hand. Brooke lead him away just as the bell rang. 

She led him out to the bleachers and sat him down.  
“I’ve got some news and it’s totally ok if you want to cry or something.”   
Jeremy nodded wondering what could have possibly happened. Wait. Brooke’s Michael’s sister right?   
Oh fuck. Is Michael dead? Is he in the hospital? Did he get in a car crash?   
“Eminem’s dead.”   
Oh. Jeremy could feel tears pouring down his face. But why? He didn’t actually like Eminem.   
Brooke hugged him.   
“Kiss her.” Michael’s voice rang out.   
Jeremy wasn’t entirely sure why he followed the instructions from the disembodied voice of his best friend, but ya know he did. 

Across the school Michael Mell was sitting in bio hoping against hope Jeremy would show up. Yes, he knew it was pathetic to wait like this, but he had never been one to deny his patheticness. Jeremy has not called Michael last night, so Michael assumed he had homework. And he had gotten a text this morning that Jeremy didn’t need him to drive him to school.   
Michael just kinda hoped Jeremy was doing all-right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy thanks for reading and have a nice day!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take my children away from me.   
Tw for shocking and like pain? I guess.

Jeremy wandered to the schools theatre and there was Christine. Hair swept back with a headband and brown eyes focused intently on her script.   
So Jeremy walker over.   
“Uh hey Christine!”   
Christine mumbled a hello and went back to her lines. A few minutes later she closed her script and looked up at Jeremy.   
“Can I ask you something?”   
Jeremy nodded.   
“See there’s this person you pass in the hall everyday. You’ve known him since second grade,” Christine began.   
Jeremy almost yelled. Him and Christine had met in second grade!   
“Is he worth it? Jeremy is he?”   
“Mmhm!”   
Michael’s voice sounded out in his head. ‘She’s talking about you ya know!’   
Jeremy again almost yelled, but this time not out of happiness out of annoyance? Fear? God knows.   
Because of this battle inside his head Christine was almost done talking.   
“Is~” she says drawing out the word. “Jake!”   
“Oh cool!” He said feigning happiness.   
‘Now ask her if she wants to do lines with you.’ Michael’s voice instructed.   
No no nope. I can’t do that we don’t have any lines together.   
He felt a buzzing and then a pain in his back. Like he was shocked.   
‘You will do as I instruct!’ Another buzzing tingly pop in his back and Jeremy was ready to do what the voice told him.   
“Would y-y-you like to do lines with me sometime?”   
The moment he stumbled on the word you he felt shocks up and down his back. ‘Don’t do that it makes you look stupid.’ Michael’s voice yelled. And for the second time in two days his best friends voice was telling him he was worthless and stupid, so Jeremy almost did the logical thing and broke down sobbing. But Jeremy was also sure that would result in more shocks and even more yelling.   
“If we had any scenes together I’d be happy too! But we don’t so I’m afraid not.” With a face that Jeremy could only describe as: :/. 

Michael paced by his car. It was windy, and his binder was making it harder to breath. But he was going to stand here and wait for his friend, even if that meant suffocating.   
But this was what he did. He waited for Jeremy after school.   
After nearly half an hour (more) of waiting Jeremy walked out and stood by the bus stop with Christine.   
“So how are lines g-going?” Jeremy asked. Jeremy winced and Michael could see him reaching to touch his back before wincing again and stopping.   
Soon enough the bus came and they both boarded leaving Michael in the parking lot.   
Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only gets worse from here my dudes. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Rape/Non con cus do you wanna hang and all that jazz

Jeremy sat at the dinner table with his dad. He had stuttered a moment before so electric currents were running up and down his spine. He shoveled a few spoonfuls of rice down his throat, said he had a lot of homework, and bolted up the stairs to his room.   
He stopped at the bathroom and pulled up his shirt looking at the raised marks that looked like lightning bolts down his back.   
They had a bluish tinge and Jeremy shivered before collapsing on his bed and falling asleep. 

The next day was Halloween and Jeremy woke up to about fifteen texts from Brooke basically all asking if he wanted to go to Jakes Halloween party that night.   
He texted back a quick ‘sure I’ll be there’.   
Before the party Jeremy took a bus to a Halloween store and bought a cheap robot costume and put it on and then took a bus to Jakes.   
He was a half hour late but Michael’s voice assured him it would be fine.   
“Hey Jere!” Brooke called. Jeremy waved and walked over. Him and Brooke talked for awhile, and they both drank, before she walked away to do god knows what. Michael appeared in front of him, pointed at Chloe said “Go over there.” And disappeared.   
So Jeremy walked over to Chloe and waved.   
“Jeremy? Come on with me Brooke’s upstairs!” Chloe grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to Jake's parents room.   
“So~ do you wanna hang?” Chloe asked pushing him into the bed.   
“Uh where’s B-Brooke?” A shock down his spine.   
Chloe laughed. “Brooke’s. Not. Coming.” She whispered in his ear.   
She climbed on top of him and kissed him. Jeremy wanted to leave. He wanted to run and find Brooke or at least Rich. He needed help.   
“G-get off of me!” He got a shock and another kiss from Chloe.   
“Do you wanna stop do you wanna stop being coy! Do you wanna hey do you wanna get inside my diaper boy~”   
Jeremy wanted to scream. He didn't want this. He tried to get up and failed. His legs wouldn’t move.   
“Your welcome!” Michael’s voice was full of glee.   
Jeremy wanted to cry.   
Here Chloe was, making out with him trying to have sex with him and he wanted to leave and he couldn’t.   
He was this close to either hyperventilation or having a panic attack. (Most likely both.)   
There was a knocking on the door.   
“Uh Chloe? Jeremy? You better not be having sex on my parents bed!”   
Jeremy wanted to yell. To say that they weren’t. To say he hated this. To ask Jake to help him. But he couldn’t.   
So Chloe answered for him.   
“Ohhh yeah!! We’re having sex allll over your parents bed!”   
She made a whole bunch of moaning sounds while still kissing Jeremy, and Jeremy almost puked.   
His legs could now work, for whatever reason so he wriggled out from under Chloe and bolted out the door.   
He rounded a corner and fell into a bathroom.   
Jeremy grasped for air and sat on the ground. In a ball. Trying not to panic. 

And Michael, well Michael was in the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so if you happen to be wondering why Jeremy had such a big reaction to Do You Wanna Hang it’s because he was already freaked out and stressed over the whole Michael thing and Chloe just pushed him over the edge. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and have a nice day!


	6. Michael was in fact, in the bathroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh boi look who’s just channeling all their anxiety into Michael again

Michael looked at Jeremy panicking on the floor and his heart melted. He quietly climbed out and touched Jeremy’s back trying not to startle him.   
He did not do a good job.   
Jeremy screamed. “DON’T TOUCH ME!”   
“Jere buddy you ok?” Michael asked his face softening.   
Jeremy crawler even more into himself. “Don’t hurt me.”   
Was Jeremy drunk? Michael asked himself. He decided that, yes he must be drunk.   
“Jeremy are you ok I haven’t seen you all week?”   
“All- all week?”   
“Yeah you’ve been ignoring me.”   
Jeremy unfolded himself and when he did so Michael saw tears in his eyes.   
“You’ve been talking to me all week. Telling me what to do. Shocking me when I didn’t.”   
Michael wanted to cry as well. “Jere I would never hurt you. I don’t know what’s going on but you’re going to be fine.”   
Jeremy face hardened and he turned to face Michael. “No. I’m drunk. Your the same Michael. I can’t I have to go.”   
And with that he ran out of the bathroom leaving Michael alone. 

Michael sat down and curled up in a ball recounting the nights memory’s.   
Coming to the party (just to see Jeremy). Nearly having a panic attack from all the people. Hiding in the bathroom. Jeremy coming in. Talking to him. Him leaving. And back to now.   
Michael shot up with the realization.   
It’s Jeremy’s SQUIP.  
It worked. And it’s hurting him. And Michael has to shut it off.   
So he got out of the bathroom and he got in his car. And he drove. He didn’t drive home. No not for a few hours.   
For a few hours he just drove. He did the only thing he knew how. He put on music, pulled on his hood and he drove. 

Michael made it home at three in the morning and barely made it to his room before breaking down.   
Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was just him. At some point the cat came up and started rubbing against him.   
And that night he was glad for the company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael is a dog person but his family only has cats and Jeremy is a cat person who has a dog. 
> 
> Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk


	7. River

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take my children away from me cus I already know how I’m finishing this thing and it’s prolly not the way you expect

Jeremy also broke down that night. He went to a corner of Jake’s house where there was no one else, and he cried.  
And he thought about Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael. Oh gods Michael.   
He cried and he thought about how that stuipd fucking fake-ass pill had ruined his life.   
And he left. 

The next morning Jeremy woke up at his house, not entirely sure how but glad he was home. Michaels voice filled his ears. “Rich burned Jakes house down, and now they are both in the hospital. Rich in the ICU and Jake just broke his legs.”   
“Wha-” Jeremy shook his head and all he could feel was guilt.   
“There is no need to feel bad Jeremy.”   
Jeremy wanted to yell. He wanted to get up and he wanted to run. So he did. He got his phone and put on music and left his house and ran.   
He ran to a bridge and looked at the water, frothing over rocks and he imagined jumping. But he soon pushed the thought out of his head and watched the river. He yelled. He cursed out himself. And Michael. And that stupid nonsense pill.   
And he scrolled through Michaels Tumblr. Finding some of Michael’s drawings and posts about dysphoria.   
His heart ached. He wanted that Michael back. He got a notification that Michael had made a new post. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I just miss my best friend.   
He’s been ignoring me and it hurts.   
Halloween was our favorite holiday and we’d always spend it together.   
When we got too old for trick or treating we would watch A Nightmare Before Christmas, and BeetleJuice (Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.) and other assorted horror movies.   
And it just kinda sucks we didn’t do that this year.   
And I love him. 

-Your friendly neighboorhood gay 

(Sorry for this assorted followers I just kinda had to vent)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeremy frowned. Michael had been talking to him all week. Telling him what to do to be cool.   
Yelling at him. And Michael had acted like nothing had happened yesterday.   
And he had warned him about the fire today. (Or at least Michaels voice had.)   
But Jeremy just pushed the thoughts to a dank corner of his mind and just watched the river. Watched the froth and the water, and the rocks. And he was at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am channeling straight (pfff straight me what am I thinking) into Jeremy with this


	8. They both wrote

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TAKE MY KIDS AWAY PLEEEEASE

Jeremy visited the river every day. Some days he brought a book, or a notebook and he wrote. He wrote poems. He would write and write and just look down at the water.   
One day the water was very calm so we went down to the bank with a bathing suit and we waded in the water. Thinking.   
Another the water was so wild and frothy that he couldn’t see the actual river. He contemplated jumping for the second time since he began coming and again pushed the thought out of his head.   
And he wrote. 

Michael wrote too. He didn’t write poems though, he wrote research papers on the Squip. It made him feel sick talking to all the people who had suffered from the Squip. He had stopped eating most of the time and while he knew it was bad he didn’t do anything about it. His moms started worrying and got him a therapist who prescribed him an anxiety medication. And a medication for depression. The therapist said it would take a month for the depression medication to kick in and the anxiety medication started working in a week.   
And yes while Michael’s anxiety was better and he had started eating more regularly (every once in a while there would still be a few days where he didn’t eat but never more than a week like before.) that didn’t stop him constantly searching for info on the Squip. 

Eventually Michael found that Mt. Dew Red would shut the squip down and the same day he found out that they had started making Mt. dew Red again. So he took a trip to Spencer’s Gifts. His mothers were thrilled that he was leaving the house on his own accord. 

His plan was formulated on the drive to Spencers.   
He would get the Red.  
The play was this weekend.   
He would hide backstage at the play and then force the Red down Jeremy’s throat.   
Nothing could go wrong right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think? 
> 
> Have a wonderful day and that’s for reading!


	9. Oooooooohhhhhh boiiiiii

Ohhhhhhhhhh boiiii was Michael wrong.   
He got to the play all well and good, but forgot that Jeremy’s Squip looked like him so Jeremy could either not see him, or would think he was evil.   
Turns out when your invisible and trying to force a drink down someone’s throat they freak out.   
But he got his job done.   
And Everyone went into a coma. Jeremy’s lasted two weeks, everyone woke up before him.   
When Jeremy first woke up Michael was sitting on a chair by his bed. Jeremy looked at Michael (the only one in the room) ((aside from Rich behind a curtain)) and his heart sped up. Which caused the heart rate monitor to start beeping faster, which caused Michael to look up.   
“Jeremy!” Michael exclaimed.   
Jeremy winced and Michaels face fell. 

For weeks Jeremy tried to be friends with Michael. He tried, and he tried, and he tried. And he failed. He could never keep up a conversation with Michael for more than ten minutes and Jeremy just could not bring himself to come into contact with Michael.   
Michael was also trying. He was trying to be patient with Jeremy. And he was trying not to punch Chloe. And he was trying to resist giving Jake a hug (Jake had never outright done anything wrong to anyone, and the dude had been through a lot). 

Jeremy couldn’t.   
He couldn’t sleep.   
He couldn’t eat.  
He couldn't breath.   
He couldn’t be with the one person who makes him feel alive, and light, and thinking that life is worth the weight. 

So he did the only thing he knew how to do,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kill me


	10. He ran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for death and all that fun stuff

He ran. He ran to the only place he knew how to both think and have his mind clear. He ran to the bridge.   
He watched the water flow over the rocks. He took out a pencil and notebook (he kept a blank page open in the front of every notebook for whatever reason), and wrote a note.  
When he finished his note Jeremy tugged off his hoodie, scattered with patches and pins. Patches and pins Michael gave him.   
Jeremy choked back a sob. He folded the note and shoved it in the folds of the jacked and put them both down on the foot bridge. 

He climbed onto the railing, took a deep breath and, 

He fell.   
He tumbled through air and then through water.   
And then inky blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I’ve never written anything like this before and I just wanna ask, does it seem I’m romanticizing suicide? And if so how so?   
I know it’s a really difficult topic to write properly and I just kinda channeled from my own emotions. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and have a neat day!


	11. Boxes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for myself

It had been a week since Michael had seen, or talked to Jeremy.  
He didn’t worry, sometimes it would be weeks before Jeremy could talk to Michael.  
No Michael didn’t start worrying until Mr. Heere came knocking at Michael’s front door. One of his moms opened the door and invited him in while Michael stayed holed up in his room. Michael could hear one of his mom’s go “Oh, you had better go tell Michael.”  
And that was when Michael worried.  
He could hear someone walking up the stairs, and then walking down the hall, and then knocking on the door, and then Michael telling them they could come in.  
Mr. Heere walked in and frankly he looked like a mess. His eyes were bloodshot and he was in a bathrobe (he was wearing pants underneath though) and he was holding a tissue in one hand.  
He had a blue jacket and a notebook in the other.  
He handed the notebook and jacket to Michael. Michael looked down at the book and opened it to its first page.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hey Micha, 

I’m doing the only thing I can. I’m running.  
And I’m writing.  
There’s a box of notebooks under my bed. They have poems and stories in them.  
And I want you to keep them.  
Forgive me.  
I can’t live without you.  
But I can’t live with you either.  
But that’s the thing about living,  
No one makes it out alive.  
It’s the Squip.  
It’s your voice.  
And it’s painful. 

So I’m running. 

I love you,  
Jeremy.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael choked down a sob. He looked at Mr. Heere as if for confirmation, confirmation to what he most feared to be true.  
Mr. Heere cleared his throat. “He jumped. From the bridge. S-someone found him while fishing.”  
Michael wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie.  
“And if you wanna come back to my house I’ll let you look around his room, and uh you can have anything you find in there. God knows I won’t have any use for it.”  
Michael nodded and followed Mr. Heere out the door, leaving the hoodie and the notebook.  
Mr. Heere stayed downstairs while Michael walked up to Jeremy’s room. When he got there he crawled under Jeremy’s bed and pulled out the box. As promised. Full of notebooks. He noticed another box on the bed. Mr. Heere had told him earlier that there would be a box for him to put stuff in and he assumed this was it.  
He looked around Jeremy’s room and he cried. Well more like sobbed. He went through shelves and drawers and he sobbed.  
He found Jeremy’s Hello-Kitty converse and put them on the floor.  
He found photos.  
Photos of him and Jeremy at an arcade when they were twelve.  
Photos of them at Michael’s sixteenth birthday.  
Photos from when they were ten.  
From when they were eight.  
When they were seven.  
Six.  
Five.  
And then the day they met. When they were four.  
Michael found a wrapped package in the closet. It was addressed to him and there was a simple note on the front that read: Happy eighteenth birthday!  
(Michael’s seventeenth birthday had happened two months before, and Jeremy had been known to buy gifts in advance.)  
MMichael almost tore open the package right then.  
But he didn't. He put the package down next to the photos and the converse. He found Jeremy’s favorite books (some that Michael had never read and he swore to himself that he’d read them all.) ((There were six in total.)) (((Michael finished them within the week))).  
He found the script to A Midsummer’s Nightmare.  
He found drawings he had drawn Jeremy.  
He found the oversized cardigan that Jeremy had always worn.  
He found Jeremy’s school I.D.  
And he found Apocalypse of the Damned.  
Still stuck on level fucking nine.  
He packed up the box (shoes, pictures, package, I.D. cardigan, game, and notebooks) and left with a nod as well as a goodbye to Mr. Heere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeelp thanks for reading and have a great day! 
> 
> (Any tips? Like I said I don’t usually write in this style so any criticism is welcome!)


	12. Chapter Eleven and a half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Trigger Warning for suicidal thoughts and actions.   
Be safe guys!

Michael couldn’t talk. He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t breath. Him and Brooke basically stopped talking after what happened with Jeremy. As with Cristine. And Jake. And Rich. And Chloe. And Jenna.   
The only people he could count on were the random anons on tumblr who would tell him things would probably get better.   
He contemplated opening Jeremy’s package and then throwing himself off the bridge. Or swallowing a bunch of pills.   
He once found himself holding a knife to his wrist and sobbing. 

But he couldn’t.   
He just couldn’t.   
He couldn’t do that to Brooke again.   
Not to his moms.   
Not to Jeremy.   
Not to himself. 

He would find himself at three am, thinking, thinking about whether or not Jeremy regretted throwing himself off the bridge. 

Michael drove a lot. He drove, and he drove. He drove when he couldn’t take it anymore. He drove when he wanted to jump off the bridge. And he drove when he couldn’t deal with living anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once again was in no way trying to romanticize suicide I was simply trying to write it accordingly to how I’ve seen it described by others, and if it seemed I romanticized it I’m really sorry. 
> 
> Criticism is always welcome, and thanks for reading and have a great day!


	13. Ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you to take my children away and you didn’t and do this is what you get. 
> 
> Enjoy?

And here Michael was. One year later. On his eighteenth birthday. Staring at the package.   
He couldn’t open the package until almost ten at night, his moms made him leave the house and hang out with his friends (really all they did was sit in the Kroger parking lot and eat cake) ((not talking just with the noise of people chewing as filler)).   
His heart is racing as he carefully peels off the wrapping paper. And then he’s faced with a note and a small box.   
He opens the box first.   
He finds a picture.   
And he finds a patch.   
The picture was of Michael and Jeremy on a car trip and Michael asleep on Jeremy’s shoulder.   
And the patch.   
It is in blue and it says: Ready Player One?  
Michael tries not to sobb and opens the note. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Michael,

When you get this I may not be talking to you.   
Or I might be dead.   
Who the fuck knows.   
What I do know is,   
I love you.   
And I wish you the world even though I can’t do it in person.   
And I love you. With all my heart. 

-Love Jeremiah Heere,   
Your player two.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael holds the patch and sobs.   
And when he gets up off the floor.   
And he is in fact,   
Ready Player One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for ready and have a great day! 
> 
> (Comments give me life my children)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this! I'm hoping to write more.  
Like I said this isn't how I typically write so some criticism is welcome. 
> 
> have a wonderful day!


End file.
